


You Left My Mother With WHOMST?!

by Aria_Lerendeair



Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is both appalled and impressed, Asmodaddy loves his only son okay?, Crack Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Fallen Angel Asmodeus, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Good parent Asmodeus, Immortal Husbands, M/M, Magnus just wants to have a good birthday, Maryse Lightwood Can Handle Herself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28279869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: It's Magnus' 500th birthday, and Asmodeus has plans to spend it with his son.  (And help plan it, since Edom forbid he leave all the planning to a Nephilim...)
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069832
Comments: 17
Kudos: 249





	You Left My Mother With WHOMST?!

**Author's Note:**

> high-warlock-of-brooklyn Prompted: CRACK AU: Asmodeus and Maryse throwing a party for Magnus 😂
> 
> OH GOD I LOVE A GOOD CRACK AU ESPECIALLY WHEN IT ENDS UP NOT ENTIRELY CRACK-Y! 
> 
> Author's Note on the Title: Okay look, as writing this fic, this particular line came to me, AND WOULD. NOT. LEAVE. And it makes me laugh every fucking time I read it, so y'all are gonna suffer with me. Cool? Cool.

  
Magnus stood outside the bookshop for a long moment before sighing and pushing the door open. Maryse was there, behind the counter, several lists spread out in front of her. Ever since he had told her that he would be turning five hundred this year, she had insisted on taking over the planning of his birthday party. 

  
Except she wasn’t the only one who wanted to throw him a party, and now he had to have the world’s most awkward conversation. 

  
“Magnus!” Maryse said, smiling widely at him. "I wasn’t expecting you! Is everything all right? I was just reviewing some of the menu items that we can have as options and-"

  
"You absolutely cannot have those cheap hors d'œuvre _s_ at his party. He’s turning five hundred, not five,” a low, lilting voice said, scoffing. 

  
Magnus closed his eyes and sighed. "We agreed you would wait outside," he said, turning to glare at his father who was now standing at the counter of the bookshop. 

  
Asmodeus waved his hand. "Have the conversation you need to, apparently my help is more needed than I suspected.” 

  
“Excuse me,” Maryse said, her eyes darting between Magnus and the other man standing in her bookshop. "Care to tell me just what is going on?"

  
Magnus sighed again and looked between the both of them. "Maryse, meet my father, Asmodeus. Asmodeus, meet my mother-in-law, Maryse Trueblood.” He watched Maryse stiffen, her eyes going wide, her posture tense. "His powers are bound, he’s here as nothing more than-"

  
"A parent who cares deeply for my only son?” Asmodus said, frowning as he picked up another menu. 

  
“A meddling parent, who decided to bribe his way onto his plane to spend my birthday with me,” Magnus said, gritting his teeth. He turned back to Maryse. "If I didn’t bring him here to introduce you he would have shown up on his own and-"

  
"A good thing I did,” Asmodeus interrupted. "Do you have any idea how to plan a party, Trueblood?"

  
Magnus sucked in a pained breath. "Please, father. I will-”

  
“Do nothing, stop that,” Asmodeus said, waving a hand. 

  
Magnus turned his eyes back to Maryse. "I’m sorry, but if I kept him at home any longer, Alexander _would_ have stabbed him, and I would really rather not have to deal with the ramifications of that this evening."

  
Maryse smiled at Magnus. "It will be fine. Go back to Alec, and find a way to cheer him up. I’ll handle your father.” 

  
Magnus blinked. 

  
“You’ll what?!” 

  
Maryse ignored the indignant protest behind Magnus and kept smiling at him. "Go take care of Alec, I’ll see you later this evening. Please let me know if there are any other changes that I need to make."

  
Magnus reached out to wrap her in his arms, giving her a tight hug. "Thank you,” he whispered. 

  
Maryse smiled and gave Magnus another hug, watching as he stepped through the portal, turning back to the Greater Demon standing in her bookshop who was watching her curiously. She strode over to the sign on the door and flipped it to closed, locking the door, moving behind the counter again. 

  
“So you’re Maryse Trueblood,” Asmodeus drawled, meeting her eyes. 

  
“And you’re Asmodeus,” Maryse said, raising an eyebrow. 

  
The silence stretched between both of them, the clock chiming behind them as it continued to echo, no noise between the both of them. 

  
Asmodeus frowned. "I want him to have a good birthday."

  
Maryse raised a pointed eyebrow. "Why?” 

  
“Because he _is_ my only son, for all that we have disagreed on a great many things, and I do not want to lose him from my life,” Asmodeus said. 

  
“You’ve done a great deal of harm to him,” she challenged. 

  
“A parent only knows what they have endured,” Asmodeus said, meeting her eyes. 

  
Maryse paused, looking at him for a long moment, before closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. Silence echoed for a few minutes longer. "What changes to the menu would you recommend?"

  
~!~

  
"You left my mother with who?!”

  
Magnus stared at Alec, at the mixture of emotions rushing across his face. "My father."

  
"Asmodeus is a Greater Demon!” Alec shouted, hurrying towards the door. 

  
“And he can’t hurt her,” Magnus repeated, reaching out to tug Alec back into the room by his magic. "For the second, and third time, darling. He can’t do _anything._ I have his powers restrained. The most he could do is attack her with hand to hand and-"

_  
"Magnus!”_

  
“-if you’re about to suggest your mother cannot handle herself with the six separate seraph daggers I know she has in that shop and on her person-”

  
Alec’s expression crumpled guiltily. 

  
“-then I am going to tell her you said that, the second she arrives,” Magnus finished. 

  
Alec sighed and stared at Magnus. "She’s safe?"

  
"She’s safe,” Magnus promised, pulling Alec into a kiss. "They’re on their way over to finish setting up for the party."

  
Alec took a deep breath when there was a knock on the door. He watched Magnus gesture it open and blinked in surprise when his mother and Asmodeus both charged into the room, one heading straight for the kitchen (his mother) and the other straight at him (Alec took a brief moment to try not to panic). 

  
"Happy Birthday, son,” Asmodeus said, presenting a present from behind his back. "And many more centuries to come."

  
Magnus blinked at the small black box and took it from his father. "You got me a gift?” 

  
Asmodeus’ eyebrow quirked. "I did understand that was a tradition for these sorts of celebrations?"

  
"I’m going to go check on my mother,” Alec declared. 

  
Magnus watched him go, amused, and turned back to his father, and the box that he could feel was pulsing with power. "What is it?"

  
Asmodeus hummed. "A solution, should you want it.” 

  
“A… solution?” Magnus raised an eyebrow at his father. "To what problem?"

  
"Your husband’s mother is a very interesting character. I will, perhaps, need to visit again,” Asmodeus said. "It was her suggestion."

  
Magnus blinked and looked back down at the box, carefully untying the black ribbon. A small orb of pure power, untethered, floated into his palm. He sucked in a hard breath. It was a _seed._

  
"You have likely never seen one,” Asmodeus said. "We used to create them all the time. _**Before.** _ It has been a long time since I made one. But it should work as intended."

  
Magnus cupped his hand around the white orb, staring down at it. Pure, condensed power. Untouched by any magical creature. _Raw._ He took a shaky breath, staring at it. If he gave it to Alexander…

  
"Centuries,” Asmodeus said, watching his son’s face. "If not millennia."

  
Magnus clenched his eyes shut and took another deep breath before closing the box around it again, swallowing hard, his mind racing. "What’s the price?” There was always a price with his father, and a gift of this magnitude would have a steep one. 

  
“Visits to this plane. Twice a year. Under the same conditions you have me bound to now,” Asmodeus said, watching his son. 

  
“That’s it?” Magnus asked, narrowing his eyes. "That is your condition?"

  
"Magnus,” Asmodeus said, his voice softening, just a fraction. "I would see you happy. Either at my side, or where you have chosen. This ensures that."

  
Magnus looked down at the box. "This was Maryse’s idea?” 

  
“It was,” Asmodeus confirmed. "You may ask her, if you like."

  
"I will,” Magnus said. "If it is what you say it is, and those are the conditions that you would impose, then yes. I would accept it."

  
Asmodeus smiled, waiting until his son met his eyes. The sight of his own, golden and slit-pupiled had him relaxing. "I will await your answer,” he agreed. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
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